Awkward, then additional awkward

Have you ever had an exchange with a famous person and it's not glorious and life changing but also isn’t a nightmare? Glorious or nightmare gets you a story to keep forever. Awkward, then additional awkward, does not, and that’s my Mary Oliver non-story.

Twenty-five-ish years ago I had to call her to negotiate the details of publishing her poem “Wild Geese” as a poster. She did not answer the phone. Mostly no one did. Then once in a while Molly Malone, her partner, would pick up. I hated this part of my job and of course (wouldn’t you?) worried that one of my favorite poets would be perfecting a line of prose about a vivid revelatory moment in the woods then the phone would ring — the moment would be lost — and I would pipe up hoarsely at the other end of the line, weird-nervous and fluttery, to discuss numbers instead of words. If that did happen I’ll never know. That’s it, the non-story. It started awkward; it ended awkward.

No I haven’t seen the new documentary about her yet. I was thrilled to see a clip from it with John Waters lovingly sharing dirt on her fieriness, which led me to unearthing this 2019 interview:

Paul Holdengraber: John, are you talking about Mary Oliver, the poet?

JW: Yes, yes! This was around 1965-1966, and she had just one poem that had come out. She just died; I knew her forever and ever. I knew her girlfriend, Molly, who was great too. They had this bookshop where you were allowed to be mean to the customers. It was really fun. These people would come in and say, “Do you have Valley of the Dolls?” Molly would yell, “Get out! We don’t carry that book!” If anyone said anything bad about Norman Mailer, they would snatch the book out of the person’s hand and throw them out. … The customer was always wrong. Mary, at that time, was really dark. She would be in the back chain-smoking in a peacoat when it was 100 degrees out. She obviously accrued an amazing career and had great success, and I loved her and I got along with her great. She was very different than people think about her. She was no sweet little earth mother. She was fun and really lovely, but she did not suffer fools in any way. She had little patience for people that weren’t very smart. I used to kid with her about crawling around the woods talking to animals, that I was going to call the police if I saw her.  I loved her very much.

Wait — sorry — I should have asked sooner. Are you feeling overwhelmed right now? By what I mostly call All of This while waving my arms frantically. You know: what we’re living through right now. Do you need a tender moment? I was truly moved by Tara DeFrancisco saying as much then sharing Mary Oliver’s “Don’t Hesitate.” I believe it will help a little. (On instagram)

Now I understand that my supreme wariness was a seed in an unlikely trail of them that led me to becoming an artist, or to accepting I already was one and getting on with it. I didn’t want to interrupt people doing sacred work — I wanted to be doing it myself. I wanted to do be doing the thing. (So maybe that does become a story after all, as most things do.) Pay attention to your seeds I guess, especially the crunchy awkward ones whose rough edges poke you when you stick your hands in your pockets, refusing to be forgotten.

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p.s. no, Rei Kawakubo isn't in this one but in 2011 (on blogger! remember that?) I wrote about John Waters' adoration of her in "serious trash and fandom among the stars."