coming up out of it (again): on artistic burnout
Oh, you know, just having another creative death and rebirth over here. I tend to not talk about them until I'm coming out the other side, so I guess this means I think I am. I’ve been so burned out on making clothes — friends, it's been 20 years! I'm an AuDHD-er who used to quit jobs after a year, so 20 years is basically 200 to me.
Then when I started painting in earnest it just shined a spotlight back on how torturous the sewing process had become. Painting is engaging, I work by going right INTO it and through it, it’s energizing creatively in a way I’ve never experienced before. It gives back to me. I thought that meant that sewing may be over. Which was scary. It hurt. But I let that painful gap kind of hang in the air for a while, as I felt bereft of, well, everything. Then I started slowly sifting and feeling my way through it.
And now after some big grief and letting go I’ve come back around with a renewed sewing process that is a comfort to me — that’s my new guidepost: it HAS to be a comfort, right there at the machine, or I won’t do it. I have chosen a new focus and expectations, honed in on a range of materials, and right now I’m approaching it tenderly and quietly and seeing how it fits. So far it’s solid.
Support from a handful of beloved friends has been vital. And I'm forever grateful to have Mike here to remind me, without belittling my feelings, that these phases *always* feel like life and death situations. His perspective is invaluable.
So anyway, I just edited my ‘About’ to feel a bit more current since it’s always nice to move the furniture around for fresh starts. Plus I gifted myself a tiny tool that will be handy for the new work. And now I'm going to see if I can tiptoe back over to my work space and engage with it in this new comforting way.
I feel vulnerable posting this but I hope my sharing helps you if you’re having creative burnout issues. It’s real and it’s a big deal (even, or especially 'in these times') and we needn’t suffer alone, even if that’s still my usual go-to move. — helen
